(020) backdated to the middle of the truth flood

[gotgirlballs]

I hate this stupid flood. It's fucking retarded, is what it is. I'm supposed to tell the truth whenever someone asks me? Yeah right.

[And here she goes, saying things she didn't intend to. This is what you get for asking yourself questions in public during a truth flood, Denise.]

I can't even be open with my family, much less you assholes. I hate being vulnerable. That's why I close myself off--why I bully people. Because vulnerability fucking sucks and I can't handle it.

...shit.


[OOC: I'll be really slow tagging this, as I'm still in California. I just happen to be awake much earlier than my friend today :P Also, I'm sorry if her use of the word "retarded" is offensive to anyone, but this is basically how she talks. :c ]

Comments

Private 2/2

[gotgirlballs.livejournal.com]

...hey Parker, how do you really feel about your dad? Like, really deep-down?

private 2/2

[yourunichase]

I love him and I hate him.

...

Fuck you, Denise. Don't.

private - she's gradually leading up to Parker's big issue

[gotgirlballs.livejournal.com]

What do you hate him for, exactly?

private.

[yourunichase]

Getting my mother killed.

Denise. Fucking stop. I mean it.

private.

[gotgirlballs.livejournal.com]

I'm doing this for you, not shits and giggles.

What about what he did to you as a kid?

private.

[yourunichase]

No you're not. You're doing it for fucking kicks.

I don't know what you're talking about. [Reeepression.]

I'm turning this fucking off, Denise. I'm not playing this game anymore.

private.

[gotgirlballs.livejournal.com]

Ask me if I'm doing this for kicks. Go ahead, do it.

Your file says your dad sexually abused you, Parker.

private.

[yourunichase]

No it fucking doesn't.

He didn't!

private.

[gotgirlballs.livejournal.com]

It definitely does. And as far as I know, the files don't lie.

You seriously don't remember? Did you unconsciously or consciously force the memory down?

Private.

[yourunichase]

I don't know!

Look, it's probably the "sexuality" experiment with Jarod, all right? It was fucked up, but that's it.

Private.

[gotgirlballs.livejournal.com]

It says your father did it. I can show you right where it's printed if you don't believe me.

Private.

[yourunichase]

No. I don't want to see it.

I don't remember, alright? I really don't, if it even happened!

Private.

[gotgirlballs.livejournal.com]

Well, you gotta face it whether you read the file or not. Sucks, but you do.

Maybe that crazy shrink can make you remember something, y'know, tell you 'you're getting very sleepy' or whatever. Not the fear-gas guy, the fatty-fucker.

Private.

[yourunichase]

I don't have to fucking face anyone.

Don't even fucking think of telling anyone what's in that file, Denise. I don't need a god damn shrink.

Private.

[gotgirlballs.livejournal.com]

I didn't say you had to face someone, but you do have to face something. This thing, specifically.

It was just a suggestion, so how about you cool the fuck out?

Private.

[yourunichase]

How about you fuck the fuck off?

It. Never. Fucking. Happened.

Private.

[gotgirlballs.livejournal.com]

Except for the part where it did. If you need time to think this over, go right ahead. I'll ask you something else instead.

How do you really feel about Jarod?

Private.

[yourunichase]

At least get original. I've had fucking three people including him ask me this shit.

I love him and I hate him and I don't know.

Private.

[gotgirlballs.livejournal.com]

You want original? I'll go right back to the shit I was asking before, then. Have it your way.

Do you have any memory of your dad sexually abusing you? Even the tiniest bit?

Private.

[yourunichase]

No!

I keep telling you, it didn't fucking happen.

Private.

[gotgirlballs.livejournal.com]

The files don't lie, but memory sure as hell can. I don't know too much psych, but you could have locked all this away so deep you can't find it again. The fact that you don't even wanna find it again makes it worse.

Private.

[yourunichase]

Denise there isn't anything to fucking find! This didn't happen. I can't lie right now, you know it didn't. The fucking file is wrong.

I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Private.

[gotgirlballs.livejournal.com]

See, that's the funny thing. Lemme run this by you: if you don't remember it, and you say it didn't happen, you're not lying on purpose and you don't even know you're doing it. I'm pretty sure we can only lie about shit we're aware of, otherwise you'd be able to tell me all kinds of truths you don't even know. Like, I dunno, who really shot JFK, or what my favorite color is.

Private.

[yourunichase]

There is absolutely no fucking sign of this anywhere in me or on me other than that fucking file, and it's wrong.

I'm turning this shit off now, Denise. Fuck this flood and fuck you.

Private.

[gotgirlballs.livejournal.com]

Of course there isn't--it's been way too long to check for physical trauma, and the psych trauma's obviously the fact that you made yourself forget.

Chrissakes, Parker. Turn it off if you want, but that won't make what happened to you go away.